Our social issues or behaviors can trap us and prevent progress.
Our refusal to admit to ourselves who we are and what we really want or need allows us to keep blaming everyone else for choices we make and circumstances that result.
Local life is brutal. It's a never ending cycle of fucking themselves over. I've come to conclude they do so in order to hide self responsibility. It's a pattern of self abuse, debasement and desperation.
Recently someone tried to incite drama with me over a many years ago sex partner. It failed. I'm 41... Not 14. I'm married, and after everything I have been through, having children, growing up and learning to love myself and Jeff - my views have seriously changed. I've learned what love is ... It isn't desperation. That's fear... I've had enough fear in my life. I don't want to just "have" someone - I want someone who I know, without doubt, loves me. I want it all... I don't have to settle. Saddens me to think of the times that I did. That was cowardly of me. It was desperate.
I suppose they thought I'd be jealous at the "players" in the script - but I'm not. I cared for them at one time - both I understand better than they understand themselves. One is desperate for a quasi-love/warm body to come home to, the other desperate for finances and easy keep ... No one doubts this, even if a stout defense is laid up. However, how is this wrong as long as both are being fulfilled? That may sound cold -but if both are happy, both are adults and it is consensual, why care? I have no doubt the woman involved can handle herself or any man - they will get the fuckin' boot... She doesn't bend much.
That opinion landed me in quite the argument...
I think that it may work out because both are supplying a need/want to the other. It's mutual. People act shocked, but really he would have been a perfect pick for her a long time ago. As for the odd woman out - she is young and average looking, but in a good way. She has issues which have been added to by the situation she has freed herself from. This is healthy for her. She will heal, rebuild herself and maybe refocus and eventually happen upon a love meant for her. One that doesn't hurt. One that helps you grow, not shrink.
We all have one - I hope. In any case I can't understand why people thought I'd respond different ...
I'm getting old and soft :P
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